Dan McCoy is the accidental dog owner who loses Elf, finds Elf, and is endlessly tormented by the dog he sometimes thinks he should have
strangled when he had the chance. Dan is a rather hapless everyman, prone to daydreaming, whose heart is in the right place but who is often victimized by less
-scrupulous people. He's married to…
June, who is determined about most things. June spends a lot of time
and energy trying to help people, whether they want her to or not. At the top of that list is her mother…
Esther. Widow, poker maven, and very down-to-earth, Esther is a plain
-spoken woman who doesn’t want a dog, despite what her daugher June says. Esther is also the mother of…
Sally, who is June's sister, naturally. Sally is a cat person who smells
suspiciously like tuna much of the time. She is a good-hearted woman married to…
Edgar, the brother-in-law from another time-space dimension. Edgar thought Star Wars was a documentary. He also practices channeling,
dowsing, and believes strongly that properly-inserted magnets will prevent prostate problems. Edgar is the nemesis of Dan and the favorite target of…
Jerry, who lives next door to Dan with his slightly loopy wife, Theresa.
Jerry drinks a little beer, watches a litte baseball on TV, and plays with power tools. He's also the coach of the debate team at the local college, and his
absolute favorite pastime is pricking egos, like the one attached to…
Bruce Rose, one of the villains of the piece. Bruce runs a kennel and
obedience school with his life partner, Martin, which is a convenient side-line for his other business, handling dogs in the show ring for
breeders of four-legged superstars. His major client (and the star of his bisexual pornographic home videos) is…
Selena Kisco, who is overly fond of donuts but wears tight clothes
anyway. Selena’s now-dead stud, Tahoe, was Elf’s father, and she desperately wants Elf so he can take up where his father left off, as a
well-paid, well-laid sire of future show dogs. Her arch rival...
Marie Carcioma is a wealthy breeder who has everything she could possibly want in life except for one thing—the trophy for Best In Show
at Westminster. In her twisted, obsessed little brain, Elf can deliver it for her, which is why she’s willing to buy him, steal him, or worse.
They’re all hunting for...
Elf, our hero. Elf is a Silky Terrier with the courage of
Rin Tin Tin and the table manners of Grendel's mother. Elf scampers through life guided by his own urges, be they physical or spiritual, bodily or intellectual, and sees
no reason whatsoever that everyone else shouldn't do the same. He likes everybody, almost, but likes people who give him something to eat best of all. He's also a
shrewd judge of character and his nose can sniff out a fraud as easily as it can find a liver treat in the pocket of your best sweater. Elf is sure to warm your heart, but he
also just might dampen your shoes if you stand in one place too long.